Jon Skelton

January 17, 2024

Just say “no”

Is your life like a tornado of things you must do? Chances to grab? Focusing on what others want from you? While we handle our personal and work lives, we often feel very busy, too involved, and stressed. For people who like making others happy, setting limits can seem hard at first. But in the long run, it helps make life more peaceful.

Just saying “no” can make you feel free and strong. It helps you take better care of yourself. Let’s talk about saying “no” and setting clear limits. We’ll see why it’s important for having a balanced and happy life.

Why Setting Limits is Important

1. Taking Care of Yourself

In a world that loves being busy, taking care of ourselves can be tough. When we set limits, we make sure we focus on our own needs. Saying “no” gives us time to relax and concentrate on ourselves, reducing stress and making us healthier. It’s the first step to making ourselves a priority and is essential for a happy life.

2. Value Your Time

Limits aren’t just about keeping healthy; they’re also about respecting your time. Your time is precious, and saying “no” tells the world, “I value my time, and I choose how I spend it.” This gives you control over your schedule, making sure you spend time on things that matter to you.

3. Build Good Relationships

Good relationships need respect, understanding, and clear communication. Saying “no” and being honest about your limits shows respect for yourself and others. It helps prevent problems and keeps your connections with others positive.

4. Avoiding Feeling Exhausted

Feeling too tired and stressed, called burnout, is a big problem, especially at work. Not setting limits and saying “no” can make you work too much and feel exhausted. Saying “no” when needed helps you avoid burnout and keeps your work and life balanced.

5. Staying Focused

Ever feel like your attention is all over the place? Setting limits helps you stay focused. By saying “no” to things you don’t need, you save your energy for things that really matter, making it more likely you’ll succeed.

6. Growing Personally

Saying “no” isn’t just about protecting yourself; it’s also about making space for things you love. Setting limits lets you focus on your hobbies, learn new things, and grow as a person. This makes life more satisfying and interesting.

Dealing with the Fear of Disappointing Others

Many people struggle to set limits because they’re scared of letting others down. It’s normal to want to make people happy, but not at the cost of your own well-being. Here are some ways to feel more confident saying “no”:

1. Speak Up Calmly

Express your needs and opinions in a calm and respectful way. Saying “no” isn’t a rejection; it’s about telling others your limits.

2. Use Positive Words

When saying “no,” use positive words. Instead of just saying “I can’t do it,” explain why and suggest another solution. Positive words make it easier for everyone.

3. Be Honest

Honesty is vital when setting limits. Be clear about why you’re saying “no.” Most people will understand and respect your honesty.

4. Be Kind to Yourself

Setting limits isn’t selfish; it’s taking care of yourself. Remember that it’s okay to prioritize your happiness. Be kind to yourself and don’t feel guilty about saying “no.”

Recognizing and Dealing with Boundary Violations

Sometimes, even after setting limits, others might accidentally or on purpose cross them.

Knowing when this happens is crucial:

1. Feeling Resentful

If you’re getting annoyed because someone keeps asking too much, your limits might be ignored.

2. Feeling Overwhelmed

Feeling too stressed might mean your limits aren’t respected.

3. Ignoring Self-Care

If you’re always putting others first and forgetting about yourself, your limits might be overlooked.

4. Avoiding Conflicts

Not dealing with boundary issues might create more problems. It’s important to talk openly about these situations.

How to Respond to Boundary Violations

If someone crosses your limits, here’s what you can do:

1. Think About It

Before talking about the issue, think about how you feel. This will help you explain better.

2. Talk About Your Feelings

Tell the person how their actions made you feel, using “I” statements.

3. Repeat Your Limits

Remind them about your limits and explain why they matter. Be clear but respectful.

4. Set Consequences

If the violations keep happening, let them know there will be consequences. Make these consequences clear so they understand.

5. Get Support

If it’s hard to handle alone, talk to friends, family, or a therapist. They can give advice and support.

The Power of Saying 'No'

Understanding why limits matter and learning to say “no” gives you more control over your life. It’s not about building walls; it’s about knowing your limits and saying what you need.

This power helps you take care of yourself, value your time, have good relationships, avoid exhaustion, stay focused, and grow as a person. Saying “no” might seem simple, but it’s a strong tool for a happy and balanced life. Start setting limits and saying “no” when it’s important.

Need some support?

As a Mental Skills Coach, I invite you to embrace the power of the mind, explore solution focused hypontherapy, unlocking new possibilities, and harnessing the power to take control.

I offer a FREE 15 minute telephone consultation – start your journey to taking back control today.

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Beth Redfern

2024-01-29

I highly recommend working with Jon of Balance Your Brain. I found his combination of coaching and hypnotherapy hugely helpful in dealing with some unexpected stressful events and was really impressed at just how quickly things changed with his help. As well as being great at what he does, he’s also really professional and very nice. He immediately put me at my ease and I felt very comfortable talking to him. Thank you Jon!

Finn Hewlett

2024-01-02

I went to Jon when I was in a bad place. And I have suffered from anxiety in the past. I think opening up as much as possible is the best way to achieve the best results in therapy. In the first couple of sessions i wasn’t being completely honest with Jon or myself. But as soon as I began to open up and be completely honest I then started to receive the information that was needed in order for me get over these negative thoughts and emotions. I would highly recommend Jon to anyone who is going through a bad period, or even if they feel they may be going down the wrong path in life. Jon helped me to understand my brain and the processes it can go through that can either send you down a negative spiral of thoughts and emotions. But the same way it can do this, it can be done in a positive way as well. Highly recommend.

Caroline

2023-10-30

We went to Jon as my daughter age 9 has been battling some fears/mental blocks in gymnastics with backwards tumbling. My daughter felt at ease with Jon and could talk and explain her feelings even though she struggles with communicating. Jon has built up her confidence, she is now believing in herself and backward tumbling is making progress.

Jane Harden

2023-10-28

Jon was brilliant can not praise enough, been a smoker for 30 years and tried many time to stop, this time with Jon's help it has worked 7 weeks now ! 😀

Jessica Easley

2023-09-30

I searched up hypnotherapy and anxiety to look for help for my son. Up came Jon! My son hated school and was starting GCSEs and I thought Jon may help to get him through the last few months. He was amazing! He totally understood a 16 yr old mind and how he felt. My son could really open up and talk to Jon, he looked forward to every session and came out a more positive happier child. Jon taught him to turn situations around and override the negative thoughts. His advice has now helped him pass 8 GCSEs and has settled into 6th form so easily and made new friends with his new found confidence. I can’t thank Jon enough and wouldn’t hesitate to recommend him. If you need help contact him you won’t regret it!

Rich Brassett

2023-09-06

My sessions with Jon were always really insightful and his thoroughness and way of explaining things helped me to really uncover certain issues that we then worked on. I would highly recommend speaking with Jon, i've seen significant growth in myself.

James

2023-06-22

I have struggled a lot over the years with negative thinking and severe anxiety. Jonn has really helped me deal with these issues and re train my way of thinking to the point were I now no longer feel the aniexty at all. His a true gentleman and can't thank him enough.

Alex Green

2023-06-14

Jon has helped me immensely with my career and performance. I can't thank him enough for all his help so far.

april clarke

2023-06-06

Jon was an amazing Hypnotherapist. He helped massively with my anxiety and allowed me to think positively about situations which made me more motivated and overall happier. Thank you so much Jon, I very much recommend Jon to anyone struggling.

Lucy Skelton

2023-05-26

Client testimonial. “Full disclosure, I’m Jon’s wife. But as anyone knows, your family can give you a much harder time than anyone else, so my husband really had his work cut out with me! Anyone who knows me, will tell you that I hate flying. Since I was a kid, I’ve hated flying. I’ve tried so many ways to cope; medication, copious amounts of alcohol, fear-of-flying courses, clinging to aircraft staff & family for dear life and shear avoidance…it’s safe to say, I’ve got the t-shirt. And Jon’s had to put up with my vast array of ‘techniques’ for the past 20 years! Jon suggested trying out some hypnotherapy on me. I’ll hold my hands up, I was sceptical; not because I didn’t he was good at what he does or that hypnotherapy doesn’t work, I just thought…it’s weird, you’re my husband…and I’ve tried everything already! This is just me, it’ll never go away. So fast forward to this photo. This is me on a plane during take off, returning from Edinburgh this weekend. I’m listening to my hypnotherapy recording (my husband is in my ear!) and I’m in happy-land. I never thought this would be possible. I’ve gone from being unable to sleep before a flight and stressing about every tiny detail of the journey (the packing, the ride to the airport, literally everything)…to gliding through security, browsing the shops and even sleeping on a plane! I couldn’t eat 24hrs before I flew (regularly vomiting in the toilets before boarding, through nerves). I can now can eat on a plane. Yesterday I even ate lunch before I got on the plane. That’s huge! My longest running coping strategy was alcohol. Although I felt like it worked, it really didn’t. I would be anxious & stressed about getting drunk enough before my flight (speeding everyone through security as quickly as possible to get to a bar). Trust me there’s nothing glamorous about drinking vodka at 8am with your kids in tow. It also ruined the beginning of my holiday; I’d often not remember the landing airport, left bags on planes and spent the first day of my holiday in bed royally hungover. My fear of flying genuinely stopped me from living my life how I wanted to. I would turn down trips or change the destination to avoid a long flight or a flight at all. I now can’t wait for my next holiday. It’s safe to say, it’s changed my life and my family’s. If you feel how I used to about flying (or any fear for that matter), give Jon a try…it could change everything for you.”